Microaggressions can be based upon any group that is marginalized in this society. Religion, disability, and social class may also reflect the manifestation of microaggressions. Some of these examples include the following.
- When bargaining over the price of an item, a store owner says to a customer, "Don't try to Jew me down." (Hidden message: Jews are stingy and money-grubbing.)
- A blind man reports that people often raise their voices when speaking to him. He responds by saying, "Please don't raise your voice; I can hear you perfectly well." (Hidden message: A person with a disability is defined as lesser in all aspects of physical and mental functioning).
- The outfit worn by a TV reality-show mom is described as "classless and trashy." (Hidden message: Lower-class people are tasteless and unsophisticated.)
The most detrimental forms of microaggressions are usually delivered by well-intentioned individuals who are unaware that they have engaged in harmful conduct toward a socially devalued group. These everyday occurrences may on the surface appear quite harmless, trivial, or be described as "small slights," but research indicates they have a powerful impact upon the psychological well-being of marginalized groups and affect their standard of living by creating inequities in health care, education, and employment.
Excerpt from “Microaggression: More Than Just Race” by Prof Derald Wing Sue
WAS THAT REALLY MICROAGGRESSION?
These are the five behaviors with the most pervasive negative impact, in order from least to most important as assessed by the group:
#5: Expressing incredulity that a person could not know something. And worse, not then helping teach them that thing. Verbal and non-verbal expressions can be equally effective. Described in more detail, and well worth the quick read, in The Hacker School manual.
#4: “Your behavior represents all <group you’re in>” The inestimable Randall Munroe illustrates this point succinctly and memorably in http://xkcd.com/385/ :
Commentary: In addition to being demotivating and insulting, generalizing from a specific failure to a conclusion about a group is an illustration of confirmation bias: selectively processing evidence from the world around you so as to further 'prove' your biases, and ignoring contradictory evidence.
#3: Dismissing or minimizing a prior unprofessional action or remark with ad hominem assertions:
Examples are legion: "You're just being emotional."; “I have a woman friend who isn't offended by this."; "I don't see anything wrong, so you must be exaggerating."; “It's all in your head."; "If you're not willing to explain [in exacting detail right now] what I did that was offensive to you, then it can't be that bad."; “Don’t take it so personally” ; “No one [else] is bothered by this."
Commentary: In a professional setting, if someone tells you that your behavior is offensive or inappropriate, a “DANGER” sign should go off in your head and, agree or disagree, you should listen carefully to what they say. Consider also that the comment you've made once may be something the recipient has heard hundreds of times.
#2: The assumption that diversity candidates are held to a quota and thus implying that they are lower quality.
#1: Expressing a broad stereotype that <group>, in particular women, are not technical and/or cannot use technology; includes using speaker’s spouse / [grand]parent / acquaintance as the default examples of non-tech-savvy users.
Commentary: The group voted this the #1 issue, and it’s easy to see why: it uses the trappings of science to disguise what is actually bias. It’s also simply wrong; this particular topic has plenty of legitimate research. Finally, negative stereotyping actually makes people’s performance worse, so in addition to being offensive and inappropriate, it actively damages someone if they hear that their competence is somehow negatively related to their height / gender / race / sexual orientation / etc. And no, hearing “Oh, I didn’t mean you. I meant the <group> you are part of…” really doesn’t help.
A final note to the reader: if you recognize yourself in one or more of the examples - and many of us will - see it as the opportunity it is: you are now better-equipped to notice and avoid undermining your teammates in the future. Your team will be stronger for it.
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I don't want to work with jerks.
WHY SHOULD I CARE
A healthy debate and disagreement work best in an environment where there is support and respect for people - where the ideas, but not the individuals, are stress tested. Thus it's incredibly important to make our workplace a positive, friendly place where people can disagree about pretty much anything.
When disagreements become personal, the resulting negative energy saps everyone's productivity. It's just not fun to work around someone who behaves badly, even if that behavior isn't directed at you. A recent WSJ article summarizes it nicely: "A growing body of research suggests that having just a few nasty, lazy or incompetent characters around can ruin the performance of a team or an entire organization—no matter how stellar the other employees."
So our goal is to nurture a culture where people can disagree about pretty much anything, while following common rules of mutual respect to minimize the emotional strain placed on participants or observers when disagreements become personal.
Watch this 3 minute video from the Chief of Army on what is unacceptable behaviour within organisation with some great remarks:
"Everyone is responsible for the environment and culture in which we work. If you become aware of any individual degrading another, then show moral courage and take a stand against it. The standards you walk past are the standards you accept."
WHAT SHOULD I SAY?
Or worse, have we convinced ourselves that the questions are not even worth asking?
Consider the following questions in making a decision to respond:
- If I respond, could my physical safety be in danger?
- If I respond, will the person become defensive and will this lead to an argument?
- If I respond, how will this affect my relationship with this person (e.g., co-worker, family member, etc.)
- If I don’t respond, will I regret not saying something?
- If I don’t respond, does that convey that I accept the behavior or statement?
First, pick your battles.
Responding to frequent and endless microaggressions
can be exhausting and energy depleting. For the purposes of
self-preservation and safety, it is important to determine
which offense or abuse is worthy of action and effort.
Second, consider where and when you choose to address the offender.
Calling out someone on a hurtful comment or
behavior in public may provoke defensiveness or cause an
ugly backlash that does not end microaggressions but increases them. Determine the place (public or private), or
time (immediate or later) to raise the issue with perpetrators.
Third, adjust your response as the situation warrants.
If
something was done out of ignorance, educate rather than just
confront. A collaborative rather than an attacking tone lowers
defensiveness and allows perpetrators to hear alternative
views.
Fourth, be aware of relationship factors and dynamics with perpetrators.
Interventions may vary depending on the relationship to the aggressor. Is the culprit a family member,
friend, coworker, stranger or superior? Each relationship may dictate a differential response. For a close family member,
education may have a higher priority than for a stranger.
Last, always consider the consequences of microinterventions
Especially when a strong power differential exists
between perpetrator and target. Although positive results
can ensue from a microintervention, there is always the
potential for negative outcomes that place the target, White
ally, or bystander at risk.
Here are some great tatics written by Prof Derald Wing Sue in Disarming Racial Microaggressions worth to read and learn from :
Strategy 1 : Make the “invisible” aggression visible
- Undermine the metacommunication : “Relax, I’m not dangerous.”
- Name and make the metacommunication explicit : “You assume I am dangerous because of the way I look.”
- Challenge the stereotype : “I might be Black, but that does not make me dangerous.”
- Broaden the ascribed trait : “Robberies and crimes are committed by people of all races and backgrounds.”
- Ask for clarification : “Do you realize what you just did when I walked in?”, “What was that all about? Are you afraid of him?”
Strategy 2 : Disarm the microaggression
- Express disagreement : “I don’t agree with what you just said.”, “That’s not how I view it.”
- State values and set limits : “...while I understand that you have a right to say what you want, I’m asking you to show a little more respect for me by not making offensive comments.”
- Describe what is happening : “Every time I come over, I find myself becoming uncomfortable
- because you make statements that I find offensive and hurtful.”
- Use an exclamation & Nonverbal communication : “Ouch!” Shaking your head.
- Interrupt and redirect : “Whoa, let’s not go there. Maybe we should focus on the task at hand.”
Strategy 3 : Educate the offender
- Differentiate between intent and impact : “I know you didn’t realize this but that comment you made was hurtful/offensive because _________. ”
- Appeal to the offender’s values and principles : “I know you really care about _____________ but acting in this way really undermines your intentions to be inclusive.”
- Point out the commonality : “Did you know Maryam also aspires to be a doctor just like you? You should talk to her; you actually have a lot in common.”
- Promote empathy : “The majority of Arab Americans are completely against terroristic acts. How would you feel if someone assumed something about you because of your race?”
Statements to respond to a Microaggression About You
RESTATE OR PARAPHRASE.
“I think I heard you saying____________ (paraphrase their comments). Is that correct?”
ASK FOR CLARIFICATION OR MORE INFORMATION.
“Could you say more about what you mean by that?”
SEPARATE INTENT FROM IMPACT.
“I know you didn’t realize this, but when you __________ (comment/behavior), it was
hurtful/offensive because___________. Instead you could___________ (different language or
behavior.)”
APPEAL TO VALUES AND PRINCIPLES.
“I know you really care about _________. Acting in this way really undermines those intentions.”
CHALLENGE THE STEREOTYPE. Give information, share your own experience and/or offer
alternative perspectives.
“Actually, in my experience__________________.”
Excerpt from Responding to Microaggressions and Bias - Diane Goodman
If you decide to talk with the person:
- Be clear that it isn’t about calling someone a racist or sexist, it’s about the act and/or words. Once you call someone a racist or sexist, the conversation stops. But if you focus on the action, it’s something that can be addressed.
- Relay that this isn’t about shaming or blaming, but that you’ve come to this person because you wanted to express that you were hurt and perhaps that you value the relationship enough to have the conversation.
- Ask how the person is feeling after you’ve share the impact of their actions
- Wait and listen. Understand that you might not get the reaction you want. If the person is defensive, and wants to make it about “having a laugh,” you can try to have a deeper conversation, but again, it’s about your comfort level.
- Accept the outcome and move on. However it plays out, you’ve done what you can to address the issue.
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HOW TO RESPOND TO FEEDBACK ABOUT A MICROAGGRESSION YOU SAID OR DID
If you find yourself in a situation in which someone has approached you with a concern, these are some important reactives to handle it:
- Listen to the person’s concerns. Do your best to understand the impact you had on someone else and avoid saying you didn’t mean it or you were making a joke—this can come across as making light of someone else’s pain. By saying you didn’t mean it, you can come across as trying to invalidate the other person’s experience.
- Verbally acknowledge that their feelings are valid and underscore that it wasn’t your intention, but you understand that it created a negative impact.
- Apologize, but do your best to not make it about your needing forgiveness. You might not get it and that’s okay.
- Try to let it go and move on. These things happen and it’s important to remember we’re human and we make mistakes. It’s easy to hyper-focus on it every time you see that person, but that won’t help anyone.
Foot for thought : How Do Microaggressions Affect You?
Resources used for this article:
- A Guide to Responding to Microaggressions - Kevin L. Nadal
- Recognizing Microaggressions and the Messages They Send - Prof Prof Derald Wing Sue
- “Microaggression: More Than Just Race” - Prof Prof Derald Wing Sue
- How to Respond to Microaggressions - Hahna Yoon
- Disarming Racial Microaggressions: Microintervention Strategies for Targets, White Allies, and Bystanders - Prof Prof Derald Wing Sue
- Responding to Microaggressions and Bias - Diane Goodman
- One page perspective on 'tact filters' - MIT
- This Is the Right Way to Respond to Microaggressions at Work - The Muse by Rachel Murray
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